To Our Lady of La Vang

Dear Mother!

As I take up my pen to write these reflections it is already 11 o'clock at night. Somewhere out there you are still watching over me and protecting me. I know that I am not worthy to receive your love. It is only when I stumble in hard times that I run to you and beg your help. In this letter it is you I have chosen to confide in. There have been moments in my life when it seemed I would never get through that difficult stretch; I lived without daring to think of tomorrow, because the future was too dim. At those times all I could do was place my trust in you.

I was born into a family where both my parents farm the land and all four of us children are still at school. So my life has never been an easy one. To lighten my father's load I had to take a job at a food stall. In those first days of work I dreamed of so many things — what I would buy with the money after two months of summer work, and how I would keep working once term began. But nothing turned out as I had hoped. I had to leave that job. There have been times in my life when I was sad and dispirited and had nothing to hold on to, and again I ran to you. I have always felt that you answer me whenever I ask. After every such time I take it to heart and tell myself I must live better and pray my prayers more diligently, so as to be worthy of you.

But Mother, there are times when I have to run along with the bustle of life. I have forgotten even your words, and it is only in hard times that I remember you. I know that everything I do and everything I think is plain to you, but I want to write it down here to pour out my heart to you.

At present I am studying and have found a fairly steady job, so that I can go to school and at the same time lighten my parents' load. In life I have stumbled a few times, but by your grace I have got up and walked on. For you are beside me, always watching over me. There are times when I am worn out and think of leaving the job I have now, but when I think of the hard, deprived days of the past I cannot give it up.

I have chosen the profession that people describe to one another as the trade that "grows no flowers in the soil, yet gives the world flowers of sweet fragrance". When I chose teaching, everyone tried to stop me, because they said it is hard to find work in that field after graduation; but I still decided to follow it, and I will keep at it to the end. Later, once I graduate, I will go up to the highlands — where little children toil alongside their parents on the hillside fields. Those lives are much like my own when I was small.

I have been more fortunate: my parents have let me study right up to now. To keep me in school my parents have worked terribly hard, and so I must strive all the harder in my studies and not let their labour go to waste.

I had been at university a year when my younger brother also passed his entrance exams. Now the burden on my parents is heavier still. Our family's finances are not comfortable at all, and my father is often ill, so the whole burden falls on my mother's shoulders. During that time I thought of stopping my studies so that my brother could go to school. After all, I am a daughter, and having been allowed to study right up to now I am already more than content; being born the eldest, it is only natural to accept the loss. But my parents were determined to let me continue, even knowing how hard it would be. There were times I knew my parents were sad and thinking a great deal, because raising children is hard enough without having to bear the barbed remarks and sneers of others. They said: "Your children spend all that money on schooling and in the end they will just come home and farm the land…" I know what they say is not wrong, but I am determined: once I graduate, if I cannot find work in the north I will go south, if not in the lowlands then up to the mountains — but I will not come home.

In that faraway place I will have the chance to serve others, to sacrifice for others. To be worthy of being your child. In that faraway place I will nurture fresh young shoots, and I will teach them what is good. Wherever I go, I will always be proud, and will show them that I am a Catholic.

Life often finds me weak and falling, but I believe you are always beside me; you will intercede and protect me, and teach me which road to take and which to avoid.

Thank you, Mother, for always walking with me and for granting me added strength. It is you who has raised me up when I stumbled, and shown me the way when I lost my road. I am proud to have been born a child of the Church. May you always protect our diocese in particular and the whole Catholic Church in general, so that it may grow ever stronger and be worthy of the name of your children.

Your child!

Anna Đặng Thị Ngọc Parish: Làng Rào – Quy Hậu Deanery Field of study: Literature Teaching Vinh University.